Oh dear, England. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Well England’s performance during the world cup has been a sorry affair. It was embarrassing to watch all those overpaid footballers incapable of playing for their country.

The Woodland striker penetrates England's defences.

I’m no expert … heck, I don’t even usually watch football, but  I reckon we should have sent my four-year old’s class out to South Africa. You shoulda seen them on sportsday in the school yard! Those boys can run with beanbags on their heads. They can carry hoops, eggs on spoons and they can wear daft hats while running. They’d have had great fun on the pitch. Sure, they probably would’ve been beaten by Germany, too, but they couldn’t have done much worse. At least we wouldn’t have expected so much of them and they’d have been entertaining. Seeing those proessional footballers running about like a pub team was just embarrassing.  And as for the manager – well, I’d have taken the job for quarter of his pay and we would have still had the same result. I’d have screwed it up for much less money.

I haven’t been persuaded to be a football fan. Beautiful game? I didn’t see anything I liked.

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