Would you sleep in a coffin?

I once lived in a shared house that had a spare room, so my landlord found a new tenant. Now that’s already pretty weird, right? Having to share a house with someone you don’t know… It gets weirder. First thing the new tenant did when he moved in was cover every surface of the room with black bin liners. The room was like a plastic cave – a fetishit’s dream.  And then he lit it with candles. Naked flames and flimsy, flammable plastic? Not a good mix. Oh but wait, don’t go away, it gets better. Once the redecoration was complete, it was time to bring in his coffin. Yes, that’s right, his coffin – the kind you see in those old Hammer films with the classic ‘toe pincher’ shape, the velvet lining and a lid that’s set at a jaunty angle. After that, he brought in an old organ (the musical kind) and set it in his room.

Would this make a good bed?

Would this make a good bed?

I’m not sure if he slept in the coffin – it wouldn’t surprise me if he did – but he played slow, ghostly tunes on his organ during the hours of darkness. And that’s not all. Oh no. When he found a dead crow in the back yard, did he scoop it into the bin like you would, or I would? Nope. He used some wire to hang it up in the shed.  And one of the first things he ever said to me was, ‘Are there any good cemeteries around here?’

I am not making this up.

And now that I think about it, I don’t ever remember seeing him during the day.

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